How I learned to trust what feels alive instead of overthinking every choice
For over a year, I had this recurring inspiration about helping people break free from invisible rules. At some point I’d even come up with a name – “The Freeflow Rebellion” – and bought the domain, not because I’d decided to launch anything, but just because it felt right. Then it sat there.
And sat some more.
Until one day almost 2 years later I just found myself in a conversation about these ideas that had still been percolating beneath the surface. Within days, I was writing my first email to a list of people I thought might be interested.
No committee meeting in my head. No pros and cons list. No business plan, no market research, no careful deliberation about timing or strategy. Just… movement toward what wanted to happen.
I never decided to start the project … but now it’s reaching hundreds of people every week.
Publishing these pieces on Medium definitely never even crossed my mind. But a few weeks after I sent that first email, it just popped up as something to try. Again, no decision. Just a natural next step that emerged.
Here’s what hit me about this pattern: this isn’t how we are taught that important things should happen.
The Myth We’re All Living By
We’ve been raised in a culture that glorifies decision-making as this noble, necessary skill. “Good decision-makers” are praised. “Be decisive!” we’re told. “Take a stand!!”
Everywhere we look, we’re forced into artificial binaries:
Democrat OR Republican
Career woman OR devoted mother
Analytical OR creative
This OR that…..everywhere
We’ve been taught that all worthwhile things – relationships, careers, life changes, even creative projects – must be the result of careful, conscious decisions made by our rational minds after thorough analysis.
But what if that whole framework is the problem?
What if our obsession with decision-making is actually keeping us stuck?
Here’s what I’ve noticed: decisions create identities. And identities create rules.
“I’m the kind of person who…” becomes “People like me don’t…” becomes a very small box to live in. I wrote about this when I was judging “gym rats” for years before realizing I was actually athletic myself – I’d decided I was a “soft artist type” and spent years following rules about what soft artist types do and don’t do.
The constant pressure to pick sides, choose categories, and “decide who you are” often forces us into choices that don’t actually quite fit.
The Permission You Never Needed
Here’s something revolutionary: You can say No to what doesn’t feel right without having the “right” answer ready.
You don’t need a Yes before you give a firm No.
You can reject what’s being offered without a counter-proposal.
When my 13-year-old dog Rumi needed medical attention recently, the vet immediately wanted to schedule surgery and biopsies. The pressure was intense: “We need to decide quickly.” But we didn’t actually know if there was anything to fix yet. Instead of choosing between the vet’s urgent options, we chose something they hadn’t offered – to wait and see. Not because we “decided” it was right, but because it felt right.
Uncertainty is not a problem to be solved. Sometimes it’s information.
The Science That Backs Your Instincts
Turns out, neuroscience has been proving for decades that your brain makes “decisions” long before you’re consciously aware of them.
In the famous 1983 study by Benjamin Libet, researchers found that brain activity (called the “readiness potential”) began an average of 350 milliseconds before people reported being consciously aware of their decision to move their hand.
Even more striking: a 2008 study by John-Dylan Haynes published in Nature Neuroscience found that researchers could predict which hand participants would use to press a button up to 7-10 seconds before the participants reported being consciously aware of their choice.
That project I started? My brain (and body) was apparently already committed to it long before “I” knew it. The domain purchase, the name that just appeared, the years of percolating ideas – all unconscious preparation for something that felt like it emerged spontaneously.
A 2019 study at Caltech using brain-machine interfaces found that brain activity tracked participants’ choices before they were consciously aware of deciding. One participant even remarked that “sometimes it felt like the piano was automatically playing itself before she was even conscious of intending to press a key.”
Your body often knows before your brain catches up.
Brain activity shows our ‘decisions’ begin long before we’re consciously aware of them. Image © peterschreiber.media via Canva.com
Acting Without Deciding
This pattern shows up everywhere once you start noticing:
You find yourself taking a different route home without “deciding” to change your path.
Your hand reaches for your phone to call someone before you’ve consciously thought “I should call them.”
You start speaking and discover what you think as the words come out.
You grab the towel and head to the pool without consulting your mental to-do list.
These aren’t failures of decision-making. They’re examples of a natural way of moving through life – responding to what’s present rather than forcing everything through the committee meeting in your head.
This same pattern shows up in creative work too. This painting emerged without any plan or decision about what it ‘should’ become – just responding layer by layer to what felt alive in each moment. It’s visual proof that some of the most beautiful things come from trusting the process rather than controlling the outcome.
Created without deciding what it should become – just responding to what felt alive in each moment.
What If Thinking Isn’t Really Required?
We’ve been taught that all good choices must be carefully reasoned through. But what if some of our best moves come from just… responding to what feels alive?
What if that project you keep “thinking about” doesn’t need more analysis but just needs you to start talking about it with someone?
What if that conversation you’ve been planning to have would go better if you stopped scripting it and just let your mouth start moving?
What if that creative thing you want to try doesn’t need a plan – just the next right step?
The Permission Slip
You don’t need to think your way through everything.
You don’t need to choose sides in every debate.
You don’t need a decision to take the next step toward what feels alive.
You don’t need to know where something is going to begin moving in that direction.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is stop trying to decide and start noticing what wants to happen next.
Try This: The 3-Question Check-In
Next time you feel stuck in “decision paralysis,” ask yourself:
- “What am I forcing myself to ‘decide’ about?”
- “What feels alive vs. what feels like obligation?”
- “What’s one small step I could take without deciding the whole path?”
Sometimes the next right step becomes obvious when you stop trying to see the whole staircase.
What’s trying to emerge in your life that you’re waiting to “decide” about?
Ready to question what you never thought to question? I share insights about breaking invisible rules and trusting your inner knowing in my newsletter, The Freeflow Rebellion. Join others who’ve discovered that the permission they were waiting for was never required.
